Tuesday, April 28, 2009
OK before I disappear into a black hole of massive studying, I have to put up this update: I went to the Boston premiere of How to Be!!!!!!!!
Basically: it is one fell swoop of vindication for Rob Pattinson. He is actually really hilarious and acted very, very well!!!
The plot is a little contrived at times and the crazy old therapist guy is a little heavy-handed or hams it up too much sometimes, but overall the script is quite clever and there were some pretty funny scenes where I laughed out loud. Or at least laughed on the inside.
The only real buzzkill for me was the woman who played his mother in this movie. She is either a really terrible actress or totally overacted and downgraded the scenes she was in. The only good scene she was in was the one where she was off-camera in voice-over and talking to Rob's character on the phone.
Also somewhat annoying was the fact that the movie theater was filled with so many teenage girls, man the average age of the audience at this thing was 20 years old at MOST. That's AVERAGE! Not median! LOL. And those females tended to laugh too much at just about everything that was intended to be remotely funny. Otherwise, the movie-going experience was pretty good. The director and some of the cast/music directors came to do a Q&A, which my friend and I unfortunately couldn't really stay for, but it was cool that that happened. (I think I took a pic on my camera phone?)
Obviously this would have been a totally unremarkable indie movie if Rpatz hadn't landed Twilight...but it's a good thing Rpatz can act 4 real!
Seriously, he was a much better actor in this movie than in Twilight.
Sunday, April 26, 2009
Not that you're holding your breath for my next post or anything...but I have to peace out from the blogging for a little bit because I'm taking the LSAT in a month and have to really hunker down. Don't worry, I constantly think about blog posts and maybe will sneak one in here and there. ESPECIALLY my definitive review of Twilight now that I've subjected the DVD onto several hapless friends! But I really have to unplug myself from the internet and try to focus. I def. have still had a lot on my mind though, so when I come back there will be like 15 posts in the span of a few hours! :P
Sunday, April 12, 2009
I'm happy now cuz this means New Moon will definitely be much better than Twilight.
In fact, looks like having Sheen on-board is actually a huge upgrade for the franchise. The movie might be better than the book!!
I'm actually super-excited!
If he's good enough for Kate Beckinsale, he's good enough for us!
(Also, you know we're in a global recession and that being part of the Twilight franchise = ca$h money. Just sayin'.)
NOOOOOO I WANT BEN BARNES!!!
Some cursory Google Image results of Michael Sheen:
Michael's got nothin' on THIS!
*sigh* What a hottie.
The comments on Perez do say that Sheen is a good actor, though, which is promising...and I guess it is true that Aro is not primarily a "hottie" but is more like a menacing wise guy. And it is true that not everyone in a Twilight movie should necessarily be hot...*necessarily*. But when I pay $10 to see a movie in theatres I sure want everyone to be easy to look at!
Well...it is just a personal fantasy of mine to see R-Patz AND Ben Barnes in the same movie, and they better do it within this lifetime!! Since Chris Weitz will not surrender, I guess I can let this go though..."for now." (reference??)
LOLz! This is the funniest comment ever on the Perez article about Sheen's casting:
Username: Butt Sex
"This motherfucker was so FUCKING SEXY as a dirty werewolf in the Underworld movies! I wanted to throw him in a dirty cage and fucking RAVAGE that man!!!!"
Other promising user comments:
"By the way for the few of you bashing him already and calling him ugly and disgusting it is obvious you have NO CLUE what the hell you are talking about. You have no idea how lucky Chris was to pull that casting off…this man's last movie was nominated for best movie at the oscars [Frost/Nixon] and you might want to go rent Underworld 2 and 3…..that man is badass in them as a werewolf."
"This i agree with he was amazing in Underworld and he can act his ass of! is it me or is the cast of the Voltari totally owning the cast of Twilght dont get me wrong I love all the Cullens minus one im looking at u Nikki Reed! Rosalie my ass sorry had to get it off my chest haha"
Saturday, April 11, 2009
If the Cullen kids are all so goddamn talented and smart and educated (not to mention rich), why don't they join the Peace Corps or Doctors/Engineers without Borders, or something constructive instead of REPEATING HIGH SCHOOL FOR ETERNITY.
You don't even learn that much in high school, you could learn so much more in college.
And DO NOT give me their youthful appearance as an excuse, because Rosalie and Emmett can definitely pass for adults, and there are plenty of ways for teenagers to look older through makeup and wardrobe tweaks.
Same goes for their whole "the longer we can stay in one place" shiz. It's quite common to take much longer than four years to finish college. People might think you are stupid or have mental health issues, but the Cullens are social outcasts anyway.
I mean, Oprah has the time to open random schools for underprivileged youth around the world and she's no vampire, she needs to sleep like the rest of us!
This scene doesn't make sense, and is completely retarded and awkward. Vampire saliva is venom!!! That's why Edward and Bella can't ever use tongue when they kiss! Catherine Hardwicke, can't you read??? Did you actually read Twilight??
So, we've established Edward and Bella DO NOT USE TONGUE because they cannot swap spit. In light of this fact, I don't think their intensity of physical attraction/chemistry is justified; it's not realistic for two people to get super horny or super into each other if they aren't allowed to use tongue when they kiss. It doesn't qualify as a legit make-out sesh if there's no tongue. It's just too half-assed.
Friday, April 10, 2009
Tuesday, April 7, 2009
In Breaking Dawn, the Cullens (or Edward; it's slightly ambiguous) cook food for the wolves. On their honeymoon, Edward makes apparently delicious omelettes for Bella. In a bonus chapter on S.Meyer's website, Edward cooks dinner for Bella before the prom and apparently it's fabulous; Charlie even tells Bella to have Edward cook more often for them. (Charlie, not prizing Bella's cooking above all else?! Sacrilege!)
I think it would have been more interesting for the plot if cooking were the one thing Edward could not do well. I mean, he can't really taste food at all, he didn't even know it was pizza sliding down his throat when he ate school lunch to make a point to Bella.
Fact: ALL REAL COOKS taste the food they make, and rely on their palate as a judge during the cooking process.
Fact: Vampires as old as Edward/the Cullens have forgotten what is appetizing and what food tastes like. How would they know what they're serving even tastes good?
Fact: Cooks are good cooks when they can improvise and substitute to improve upon a dish, and are good judges of what to do and what not to do in the kitchen.
Sure, the Cullens can watch Food Network. But they won't be able to make superlative dishes from just emulating the person on TV. They wouldn't be able to distinguish flavors and make the substitutions or innovations or improvisations that distinguish a good cook from a mediocre/amateur cook.
You could assail this logic by waving your hand and saying, "But vampires have perfect detailed memories so they will remember every fact ever about cooking and every trick cooks employ."
Still, I think there would have been funny dialogue possibilities if Edward tried to cook and it turned out to be kind of off; then Bella could step in and assert some superiority for fucking once!
"Beautiful, dirty dirty rich rich dirty dirty" -Lady GaGa*spoiler warning*
In some ways I think Stephenie Meyer has been irresponsible in creating this teenager-and-vampire world. I have alluded to some of these aspects in previous posts; such as the focus/obsession with outward appearance and idolization of beauty, and the Cullens living a fabulous, richly bankrolled lifestyle where they never want for anything material. Of course, the saga's "conscience" (if you can call it that) through the voice of Bella has tried to "deal with" or sublimate from these apparent problems through a conversation in New Moon:
“Is that what it comes down to?” His voice was abruptly sharper. “Good looks?”I think this is a very superficial way of reconciling the concerns. Here is why. To quote Shakespeare, two loves I have of comfort and despair.
“Don’t be stupid, Jacob.”
“Is it the money, then?” he persisted.
“That’s nice,” I muttered, getting up from the tree. “I’m flattered that you think so much of me.” I turned my back on him and paced away.
“Aw, don’t get mad.” He was right behind me; he caught my wrist and spun me around. “I’m serious! I’m trying to understand here, and I’m coming up blank.”
His eyebrows pushed together angrily, and his eyes were black in their deep shadow.
“I love him. Not because he’s beautiful or because he’s rich!” I spat the word at Jacob. “I’d much rather he weren’t either one. It would even out the gap between us just a little bit — because he’d still be the most loving and unselfish and brilliant and decent person I’ve ever met. Of course I love him. How hard is that to understand?”
Comfort: It's true that all the important characters are beautiful and rich and have perfect bodies; and most of the villains are at least very good-looking or rich or talented. So it would seem that those aspects are most prized. But in fact, Bella is most attracted to Edward because of his essential character, and to the other Cullens because of their kindness and virtuous nature, not their money. She is just impressed by their money and talents, and she gets over it eventually when she becomes part of their family. Plus, she feels embarrassed about Edward's extravagant gifts! So you see, the moral of the story is that virtuosity is primary, and the fast cars, plasma TV's, huge diamonds, etc. are just icing on the cake.
Despair: To hell with Bella being most attracted to Edward because of his "character"; the bulk of her narration is taken up by trite descriptions of his beauty!
One of her first thoughts after being turned is how beautiful she is now and how she looks like she can stand next to Edward without looking like she doesn't belong.
She constantly has low self-esteem from feeling inferior standing next to the Cullens, showing that her primary concern is outward appearance.
At the beginning of New Moon, when she puts the pictures of her and Edward into the scrapbook, she beats herself up mentally for how plain she looks; S.Meyer really beat this horse to death, augh!
Her first thought when she sees Edward in Voltera for the first time is "OMG he is so much more beautiful in real life than I remembered, I'm so fugs!!!"; not "OMG I have to run fast and be a strong heroine to save him and not let him go into the sunlight and be all sparkly!"
In Eclipse, when Edward shows her the motorcycle that he got, Bella's first thought is, "Oh no his motorcycle is much better-looking than mine, and this is like an analogy for what we must look like"; not "Oh, I'm annoyed that he had to go and buy something that I shared with my non-vampire friend, which was distinctly mine."
Of course Edward is perfect and realizes this on his own... but still. On top of this: yes, you can say that her realization/verbalization that he's "even more amazing behind the face" shows that the saga is above superficiality; YET, at the same time, part of what makes him a perfect boyfriend is his ability to give her all the material trappings a girl would ever want; part of what makes Alice the perfect gal pal is her highly developed fashion sense and unfallible purchasing of all kinds of stuff for Bella. Much of Edward and Alice's charm comes from their gorgeous faces and bodies, and their graceful physical movement. Part of their characterization depends on their financial largess, and both of them DO act elitist about their possessions and say elitist things. Cars aren't good enough for them to drive unless they are luxury European imports that most people have never even seen; clothes aren't good enough for them to wear unless they are expensive brand names/rare/custom-made. These aspects don't come out so much in the movie, because K-Stew plays Bella as a much feistier character than Bella is in the books. But if you are not initiated (and if you are reading this, you must be initiated); the fact is, Bella is constantly struck dumb by how graceful/rich/beautiful the Cullens are and rhapsodizing about it.
I mean, I enjoyed it as an escapist jaunt for my imagination, but it gets kind of tiring that EVERYTHING is beautiful and EVERYTHING is designer or expensive or made to order. The fact that the setting and protagonists are characterized this way, without much diversity, shows that Meyer's character-building is not very mature or multi-dimensional. One of my friends said that "it's almost like she's too good at fantasy."
My take is: Yes, responsible readers should realize it's just fantasy, and we're not all going to be 5'6" and 115 lbs with vibrant hair and gorgeous boyfriends with in-laws we LOOOOOVE. But would responsible or existentially/metaphysically aware authors realize there's more possibility to a story than letting all the protagonists have everything? Want or indigence is not as pleasant, perhaps; and having unlimited funds makes for fun possibilities, but want builds character and interest.
I think this is irresponsible on the part of Stephenie Meyer. Whether purposeful or not, now that Twilight is a cultural behemoth, Bella being a thin (115 lb) heroine who doesn't often eat and when she does, only takes a few bites, is not a healthy example for females at the nadir of their self-esteem and self-image.
a) Bella sometimes only has a soft drink for lunch. WTF?
b) Bella is 115 pounds. Sorry, not realistic for many teenage girls/young women.
c) When she does eat, Bella often only takes a few bites; or is too excited to eat; or says she is not hungry.
d) In the first lunch scene, Bella only eats a celery stalk; ironically, while mocking eating disorders (by saying, flippantly and glibly, "you could always do...eating disorders" when suggesting newspaper feature topics to Angela)
e) Have you noticed how thin Christian Serratos (actress portraying Angela) is?? Not that Bella/K-stew/Christian have eating disorders, but the combined effect of these aspects is very unhealthy for the self-esteem of girls and sets a very low weight standard.
Also Bella never exercises, so she must also have very low muscle mass. Unhealthy!!
What we don’t get is what happens when Bella gets her period? Does Edward just go away for 3-7 days? If so, where does he go? Or isn’t that blood appealing to him because it comes out of Bella’s “hoo-hoo” and that’s so sicknast? (holla Lauren’s Bite for that word) Or is it that much MORE appealing to him because it comes out of Bella’s “hoo hoo” and he wants to “tap that?”
Wow, I thought to myself when I read that post. I should have thought of that earlier! Then a friend sent me this link, which apparently has Stephenie Meyer's explanation/rebuttal:
"What happens when Bella gets her period?
This has been addressed by Stephenie Meyer. She states that this is "dead blood" and isn't as potent to Edward, though it is a bit uncomfortable for him. He's too much of a gentleman to say anything about it, and she's too embarrassed to ask about it."
a) The notion of "dead blood" is kind of tenuous...and laughable (because it's funny, and because it's tenuous). OK, I can see how would-be amniotic CLUMPS are not very appetizing...and in fact, pretty damn stank. But sometimes period blood is very bright red and thin (at least, sometimes mine is) which means it can't have been dead for very long, right? Also, it seems from this saga's vampire canon that vampires care about whether blood is fresh, or warm; warm being a proxy for fresh or flowing from a still-alive body. Thus, it's plausible that in some circumstances period blood would be problematic for Edward to be around.
b) wouldn't Bella have thought of the potential problems as she's expecting her period, and tell warn Edward about it? I mean, she was bold enough to ask Edward if he was a virgin, and they talk about sex plenty.
c) I do believe Edward is too much of a gentleman to talk about menstruation with Bella. But Bella is not so tactful that she wouldn't bring it up with Edward. Easily embarrassed, sure, but I think period talk is common in really serious relationships. It definitely came up in my teenage relationship.
More food for thought, which may be TMI: would the overwhelmingly attractive scent of Bella's blood overcome the patently bad-smelling nature of menstrual blood and its effect on the smell of the nether regions ("femininity" in softcore romance terms)?
OK enough grossness.
Friday, April 3, 2009
OK that's it for my cheesy tween tendencies today. :D
OK I just feel like I have to explain more why this song is perfect for the "best of Twilight saga" regarding Edward & Bella's looooooove for each other. So I will mark up the lyrics for your elucidation.
Breathe in for luck, breathe in so deep, (Edward is always talking about how it burns to breathe near Bella in Midnight Sun!)
this air is blessed you share with me.
This night is wild, so calm and dull,
these hearts they race, from self control. (Self-control = overarching theme of Twilight saga!)
Your legs are smooth as they graze mine,
we're doing fine, we're doing nothing at all. (They often don't do anything but stare at each other when they're together!)
My hopes are so high that your kiss might kill me. (Can you say vampire kiss of death?!)
So won't you kill me, so I die happy. (They are so in love with each other they would die for each other...awww)
My heart is yours to fill or burst,
to break or bury,
or wear as jewelery,
whichever you prefer. (Very Twilight-y sentiment)
The words are hushed, let's not get busted;
just lay entwined here, undiscovered.
Safe in here from all the stupid questions,
"Hey did you get some?"
Man, that is so dumb. (Reminiscent of Jessica's questions in math class the day after Port Angeles shopping trip!)
Stay quiet, stay near, stay close they can't hear...
so we can get some. (Very Twilight-y in a tongue-in-cheek way)
Hands down this is the best day I can ever remember,
I'll always remember the sound of the stereo,
the dim of the soft lights,
the scent of your hair that you twirled in your fingers (SO EDWARD!!!!)
and the time on the clock when we realized it's so late
and this walk that we shared together.
The streets were wet
and the gate was locked so I jumped it, (SO EDWARD!!!!)
and I let you in.
And you stood at your door with your hands on my waist
and you kissed me like you meant it.
And I knew that you meant it,
that you meant it,
that you meant it,
and I knew,
that you meant it,
that you meant it.
AWWW SO CUTE! I know this song is old/kinda played out but it really fits perfectly with Twilight ;)
This blogger also suggests some other interesting choices for the Twilight characters.
Except, I don't agree with her choice for Edward because in my secret little "tween" heart I really, truly do think R-Patz is the perfect Edward. :)
Check it out!
Wednesday, April 1, 2009
Q: Are you as awkward as your character when it comes to love?
A: I don't think I'm ever going to not fumble around. I think that's just life. That's how you live life is you fumble around.
Good job not coming off as a complete bitch, but could you try to use correct grammar next time??
Maybe if you had fit in some high school English classes between filming, you would speak like an educated member of society!
Don't rich actors hire private tutors and shit?
So, clearly Taylor is great. Equally clear is the fact that Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson should never be part of awards show skits, as demonstrated here and that weird shit he did at this year's Grammys.
Funny that the ORIGINAL hunky hairy wolfman HUGH JACKMAN presented to werewolf boy Taylor! I wonder if any of the screaming 7-year-olds caught that?
Monday, March 30, 2009
If you don't recall, Heidi is a bit role in the Volturi clan; a stunning vampire who attracts and shepherds innocent mortals to feed to ravenous aristocratic vamps!
All I've read about her is that she is a model from Vancouver. Extremely weird and kind of unattractive name (to me, "Noot Seear" evokes "snot"), but HOT!
That's all that matters!
Thanks for creating such a shallow, materialistic world, S.Meyer!
My thoughts exactly.
I mean, he's certainly good-looking enough, in a pedophile-worthy way, to be sharing the screen with Dakota Fanning. They will both be playing Volturi vampires. Bad vamps!!! Yay!
I guess it's smart and good for the casting guys to choose really unknown people to fill out the secondary characters. More market share for everybody!
He's playing Caius, one of Aro's wingmen. If you recall from Breaking Dawn, he is the one that particularly has it out for Bella. I always pictured Caius as kind of old and crotchety though. This babyface shiz is kinda throwing me off.
Oh well, he's British, and young + British + actor = HOT!
Monday, March 23, 2009
I just got a phone call from the fishnets-and-lip-piercings woman and I won a raffle prize!!!!!
It's not the life-sized cardboard Edward...but still!!!!!!
You will see my prize here soon!
*Now I just have to sneak out of the house again to go claim this fucker. Ha.
Here's a smart Twilight movie review with a little comparison to Buffy the Vampire Slayer, for you Joss Whedon fans (I know you're out there!)
I absolutely loved Buffy the Vampire Slayer when it was on and still consider it one of my favorite TV shows ever. It's much much higher quality entertainment than Twilight, but for some reason I wasn't addicted to the point that I started a blog about it...weird.
Sometimes life doesn't make sense.
I came across this post on a movie reviews/news blog, and this particular blogger voiced something that I had been feeling, but haven't fully expressed verbally yet. So, since I found her words pretty much on point, I will just let them speak for themselves. (With a little spell-check from me though. ^_^)
"I'm not kidding when I say it is a cult. The books are like crack. It's taken me a ridiculously short amount of time to finish all four books, over 2,000 pages altogether. I can't put the fucking things down. I haven't been this excited about a book in a long time, which is saying a lot because I am a constant reader. I fell for Edward HARD.
And I can't really explain what it is about the books, exactly. I don't know if it's because I am a woman and the books touch something deep inside that screams that I am not good enough, not special enough (as the main character, Bella, believes about herself). I'd like to think myself intelligent enough to be able to see into any sort of romantic true love brain washing the books may use.
But I'm not smart enough. I am a hopeless romantic, always have been. Convinced I would love passionately and die for love, if necessary. I know this blog will make all of the CHUD readers puke, and I apologize for that. But if you can get past the love story, there's a great action story there too. And I think men could learn a lot by reading these books. Edward is exactly what women want.
And it's not about being a vampire, or beautiful, or rich. It's about making the woman feel like she is the most glorious thing in the world, and that you would give up immortality for her.
I'm trying to help you guys get a piece of tail, alright?
But be careful and take this cult very very seriously."
Sunday, March 22, 2009
#1: K-stew barely got any screen time.
#2: The other actors had MUCH better presence/personality/friendliness than K-stew
#3: Alice's contacts are so freaky!!!!
#4: I really love Victoria/Rachelle Lefevre, she seems really cool and personable!
#5: Did I mention K-stew has no vocal inflection or facial animation whatsoever?
#6: I'm starting to love Taylor Lautner, he seems like a real cutie. Awww.
*Also...what do U think of that costume Ashley Greene is wearing? It's kind of Plymouth Colony!
A transcript of her comments in the living room:
"Ai-ya! He's so scary-looking!"
"Ai-ya! Zhe me ke pa!"
First biology class scene, Edward sitting next to Bella
"Why are vampire in high school?"
As Edward leaves the biology class
"Why is a vampire a doctor?"
"Wei shen me vampire dang doctor?"
As Dr. Cullen examines Bella
"Ha ha ha." --the only time during the entire movie Mom laughed out loud.
Bella saying "You're a strong, independent woman" to Angela, saying she should ask Eric to prom instead of waiting for him to ask her
"Why this town so weird? Doctors, vampires!"
When the cops find Waylon's body and Dr. Cullen comes out of the police station
"Crazy! She's still not afraid of him?" (mocking Bella for liking a vampire)
"Sen jing bing! Hai bu hui hai pa?"
Prom scene, Bella asks Edward to change her
Saturday, March 21, 2009
So, the Hot Topic jaunt was a bit of an adventure but not exactly in the way I had planned.
First off, I had to get there. This may seem like a trivial detail to you, but I have very strict parents who pretty much never let me do anything and still treat me like a 12-year-old child instead of somebody who has graduated from college and has had a driver's license for several years.
Telling the truth is (most of the time) out of the question. In fact, it's often easier to not say anything. So I originally planned to just sneak out by the time Mom fell asleep, and jet off to the mall. Blasting the Twilight soundtrack all the way there, of course. I even downloaded some songs from the score just for the occasion!
But of course Mom took forever to go to bed, insisting on cutting her nails, trimming her bangs, fussing with her foot file, all manner of shit that she NEVER usually does before bed and of course she had to pick this night to do all of them! All the while the clock was ticking and the Hot Topic salesperson had told me over the phone to get to the mall by 9PM or the mall would close and I wouldn't be able to get in. It was already 8:45 by the time Mom clambered into bed and it's usually a 25 minute drive to the mall...so I was at my wit's end. I dressed quickly but she called out to me to ask me a question, and she has a nasty habit of yelling at me from her bed every so often before she falls asleep, so I didn't think she would be fully asleep by the time I escaped. I settled for a white lie.
"Hey Mom, I'm going to Blockbuster to rent a DVD."
"Whaaaa? It's 8:50!"
"No, you stay at home!"
"Mom, you let Kevin (my older brother) rent movies all the time."
"No, we have to clean house tomorrow!"
"You're a girl, it's so late at night!"
That went on for quite a bit longer and finally I just TOLD her, "I'm GOING!!!!" and left. Then in my rush to pull out of the driveway, I stepped on the gas pedal instead of the brake, and that was kind of a...yeah I hope Mom didn't hear that through her bedroom window.
I drove like a Cullen to the mall, and got there at 9:20. Seriously, I drove faster than I've ever driven before, and I am usually a pretty slow driver, so it was a big deal. I think I averaged 80 mph. Then, panicked, I finally ran into the mall and it turned out that the Hot Topic lady had lied. It is quite possible to enter the mall even after 9pm, or 10pm, or 11pm...whenever, as long as the Hot Topic was still open. You just had to find the right mall entrance.
It was OK with me though. I rolled up my striped knee socks, donned my improvised Cullen baseball cap (a blue and white baseball cap that originally said Tufts School of Engineering on it, which I covered with masking tape and drew a "C" on with Sharpie), and got ready to bond with fellow Twilighters.
I spotted them immediately, a pair of vacant-eyed, hoodie-wearing girls sitting on a bench outside the store. As far as I could see, the two girls were the only fans there other than me. The Hot Topic staff had lowered the metal grill thingy over the store entrance and said they would open at 10pm.
I introduced myself and tried to start a conversation about Twilight--the fidelity of the movie adaptation, the appropriateness of the casting, the cinematography...anything, really. Maybe even bring up my blog and suggest that they take a look, since I'm always trying to expand readership. To my dismay, the girls weren't very responsive, and one of them even mistakenly referred to Rpatz as "whats-his-name...Edward Pattinson."
I turned away for a moment as I choked in horror.
Those two should start a blog called Dumb People Who Like Twilight.
A trio of three tween girls showed up, and I decided to try my luck with them. One of them had worn a Team Edward hoodie and styled her hair to look like Alice, so I complimented her haircut and tried to make small talk.
They were enthusiastic enough when I asked to take a picture of them. The Alice-haired girl even wore golden brown contacts...she was really into it! And one of them wore a "Cullen crest" pendant. But I soon found that not only were they not able to keep up intelligent conversation, but their fandom was also very superficial and merchandise-based. Seriously...none of them wanted to engage with the themes or plot/logic discontinuities or ANYTHING!
Those three should start a blog called Vapid Tweens Who Like Twilight, Funded by Irresponsibly Lax Suburban Parents.
I quickly realized that my hopes of bonding with fans of like intellect/maturity were a lost cause, and settled for putting in my headphones and listening to the soundtrack some more.
As 10pm approached, a few more straggled in--a frumpy mom and her shockingly similarly frumpy daughter. The kind of girl who you can tell doesn't get out much, probably has never kissed, and sits alone in her high school cafeteria. But maybe I shouldn't have been surprised. Most people who are so into Twilight, that they would have nothing better to do on a Friday night than come to a suburban mall's DVD release event, would be the escapist fantasy-book-reading type. I know this sounds coarse but let's get real here. Many of those "types" are not the type who maintain their personal appearance very well, or dress well, or are outgoing, or charismatic, or bodily fit. (Or maybe it was just my luck at this particular Hot Topic. Maybe I should've gone to Borders. But I bet this scene was repeated in thousands of other Hot Topics across America: the Twilight PR machine builds up expectations and encourages fans to unite, in numbers and pocketbooks, to anticipate the DVD release and all bond over buying it together. But really, it's not a glamorous event, or even that fun; it's just random weirdos milling about in the same store, not really making eye contact; and a convenient way for Hot Topic to ring up more merchandise.)
It's kind of sad, and a huge let-down emotionally for me, that I was the only true fan there. Meaning, I was the only one with a creative bone in my body (I made that fucking hat!!) and the only one who IS a fan but can still intellectually distance herself from the franchise (granted, it doesn't take many brain cells to do that).
Finally the Hot Topic workers lifted the grate and let us in. All 15 of us. The lady in combat boots, fishnets, and electric blue eyeshadow stopped me and asked to see my "Hot Topic Party Invitation." I said I didn't have one but I had spoken to a staff member on the phone this afternoon who'd said as long as I came by 9pm I would get in. She narrowed her eyes at me, looked at the rest of the line, looked at me again, and decided it wasn't worth it, grudgingly letting me past the grate.
Hot Topic: 0
Once inside the store, though, there was nothing to do except look at Hot Topic stuff (fishnets, studded belts, slutty shit), fill out a raffle form, and stand around. 2 more hours of this shiz?! I've already taken my picture with the life-sized cardboard Edward, what if my head explodes of boredom before midnight? What if Mom wakes up and checks my bed, checks the driveway, flips out, and calls me? Would she believe that I spent 3 hours at Blockbuster?
Finally a reprieve: trivia every half-hour (prize = $5 HT gift card), which I was sure I could lock up like whoa, and they were selling the Twilight Director's Notebook by Catherine Hardwicke. So, I could at least pass the time by reading something (without buying it, of course).
I won one of the trivia rounds, yay! The winning question I answered was, "What momento of Bella's does Edward hold on to?"
Answer: the lemonade bottle cap from lunch
And one that I was SURE, almost 100% positive I had right, but they said I got wrong: "What was the name of the restaurant Edward took Bella to?"
I said La Bella Italia, but the girl said I was wrong...Imma look into it. But I had already won a prize, so I thought I should let the other tweens have at it.
I took some pictures of the particularly funny fan merchandise. By funny I mean stupid, most of the time. For example, they have tons of Twilight t-shirts with pics of Edward or Bella and a movie quote, but they pick the most random or meaningless quotes possible...I can see the appeal of the "I <3 Boys who Sparkle" t-shirt, but why would you ever wear a t-shirt that says "I'm Not Scared Of You"?
They make Edward pillowcases. Looks like a low thread count though...
Finally it was almost midnight and we dutifully let ourselves be herded and lined up for the DVD purchase. I knew better than to bother to talk to the others in line, so in went my headphones and up went the volume. I noticed ahead of me in line that the three vapid tweens had put their allowance to work and were wearing some new Hot Topic pants: low-slung purple cheetah print skinny jeans with zippers. Of course they had no butts but plenty of muffin top, so you can imagine what kind of eyesore that was.
Last night was the first time it occurred to me in an actual real/visceral way that perhaps I shouldn't "care" so much about Twilight--and that I am actually feeling a little over it. That was kind of depressing. I shouldn't go alone to these things.
I went up to the counter and forked over my credit card. The "Hot Topic Exclusive!" DVD came with a poster, so that was cool I guess. And inside our DVD boxes apparently was a "special collectible item"--a small film cell, a piece of film from a roll of film reproduced from the movie. When I opened it later I saw that I got one from the scene of Edward and Bella separating in the Cullen garage. Maybe I can eBay this shiz?
I got my over-priced DVD and drove home, but not before getting lost twice. When I pulled up to the driveway I cut the headlights to not disturb Mom and I hoped I wouldn't smash into anything and she wouldn't wake up. I didn't. She didn't.
"Make your guest list, including all your Twilighter friends--and those you want to convert!"
Well, I invited people but no one wanted to come with me.
"Send an eCard to remind your friends to save the date. This will be a Friday to remember!"
Actually, it turned out to be very anti-climactic.
"Go to the store as your favorite vampire or wear a Twilight t-shirt!"
I was the only person in the Hot Topic who came in costume. Every other tween just wore a Twilight t-shirt. WEAK SAUCE!
"Take the Myspace Personality Quiz to see which character you are most like."
I had taken a quiz a while back...I was Edward, thank God.
"Practice your OME (Oh My Edward!) scream!"
My favorite checklist item.
Friday, March 20, 2009
I'm going to the Twilight DVD release party at my local mall in a few short hours!
It took me a while, but I finally decided on HOT TOPIC over Borders Booksellers as my #1 spot for the Twilight DVD countdown. Borders' DVD is 2 dollars cheaper, but Hot Topic has more giveaways and almost certainly more tweens, so I'm gonna hit that...plus a raffle for signed Jacob merchandise, and a life-size cardboard-cutout of EDWARD. OMG I wanna win that!
And I just FINALLY decided on what I'm going to wear. I was wavering for the past hour between:
a) Rosalie baseball outfit - striped knee socks, leggings, vest, baseball cap
b) Alice driving Bella south outfit - light blue hooded parka, jeans, black shirt, black choker (I was leaning toward this b/c my hair is short and black)
But thanks to the judicious input of my pal & fellow Twilighter in crime GenieZen, I settled on Rosalie baseball outfit, because "it's more obvious" ...though I will wear the parka on the outside to keep warm on the way there :)
and of course, playing the Twilight soundtrack in the car!
I'll take lots of pictures and post them here when I come back!
Monday, March 16, 2009
Do U think it would ever be okay if someone made a fan-art banner that said "Rape Rihanna" or "Rape Megan Fox" or any other of-the-moment female hottie?
Like what if someone made a banner that said,
"Oh No Pamela!
Error: Pamela Anderson took out her breast implants.
Kill the plastic surg!
Rape Pam anyway!"
*Although...this is kind of funny, since it shows how un-self-aware some fans are...ha
New Moon Movie and Twilight Banners
it's kind of dangerous to take it so literally
New Moon Movie and Twilight Banners
New Moon Movie and Twilight Banners
This is just vapid.
New Moon Movie and Twilight Banners
this one is kind of cute actually
What do you think of this???
I can't decide if I like this rendering of Jacob's face or not. But it's pretty cool!
This came from another Twilight blog/entertainment site I found, it didn't specify that it was fan-made, so I'm not 100% sure if Summit made it or not. It's kind of early to be making posters publicly available, and god knows there are enough set photos leaked online to keep fans busy.
Little, Brown, & Co. is the publishing house that picked up the Twilight books. They originally gave Meyer a 3-book deal, but as we know, Edward and Bella's adventures just wouldn't stay bounded within the traditional trilogy structure; or, perhaps more likely, Meyer is not adept at concise storytelling.
The first time I had heard of Little, Brown in the news and not on the title pages of tween lit was when the Kaavya Viswanathan plagiarism story broke.
Viswanathan is actually a classmate of mine from my alma mater. She wrote a book called How Opal Mehta Got Kissed, Got Wild, and Got a Life.
It was a big deal because she wrote it her freshman year of college and got a $500,000 book deal from Little, Brown for it. Then supposedly Dreamworks picked up the movie rights and paid her even more ca$h money.
Then it became kind of a bigger deal with the revelation that many, many sections of Viswanathan's book were lifted word-for-word from Megan McCafferty's Sloppy Firsts and Second Helpings books.
Anyway, I'm glad that Little, Brown finally got the legitimate tween breakthrough it was shelling out good money for. Even if it had to come from a stay-at-home mom and not a "glamorous" young Indian star.
There was a conspiracy theory going around at the time of the Viswanathan scandal that perhaps Viswanathan was not the one who did the plagiarizing, but that she'd had a ghost writer and the ghost writer was the one who'd done the dirty deed. And after all was revealed, Little, Brown wanted Viswanathan to take the fall so that no one would know there had ever been ghost writers on the project.
I don't know if I buy that, but "ghost writer" is a cool term and I like using it.
I just feel like...if you're gonna copy from someone, at least copy from someone great? McCafferty is hardly a Jane Austen or L.M. Montgomery.
Maybe S.Meyer should have been assigned a ghost writer? It might have helped with the grammar mistakes and added more variety to her diction!
Today, my girlfriend dumped me proclaiming she wanted someone more like her "Edward". I asked her who Edward was. She held up a copy her "Twilight" book. She was talking about a fictional vampire. FML
I agree, your life is f***ed: 88,535 votes
You deserved that one: 9,624 votes
Sunday, March 15, 2009
I know many (most?) Americans don't use the subjunctive colloquially, but two wrongs don't make a right.
Also, Meyer is a college graduate with a degree in English. What the fuck is a college degree good for if it doesn't come with a command of one's native language??
So, I was re-reading Midnight Sun (because Edward >>> Bella) and to my surprise, Meyer used the subjunctive!!
page 29: "She must have wondered...whether she were the cause."
So, this means Meyer does know how to use the subjunctive, and for some reason fucked up the last 4 books; or someone at that godforsaken tween hits publishing house caught onto this shit and told her to get it together.
OR, Midnight Sun >>> Twilight Saga books 1-4
Which might very well be possible!!!
UPDATE: never mind, because just a short while later, on page 33, Meyer writes: "as if there was something important or unusual about them."
So, Meyer is just grammatically incompetent!
Come on, Little, Brown, & Co!!!!! You're better than this!
We bought a standup Edward for a photo opportunity so we all could be "Bella". Decorating the table with a vase of tulips on a chess board, red apples and red ribbon. We are making red velvet cupcakes and having red punch (spiked & unspiked)and red colored candy. Some of us are buying t-shirts and sweatshirts to wear. Making magnet favors and who knows what else...still planning. Oh yeah, watch the movie and then we are going out dancing (we are all adults with OCD - Obsessive Cullen Disorder! LOL)
Obsessive Cullen Disorder...hmmm.
Saturday, March 14, 2009
(apparently Jackson Rathbone is not smoking though, above)
Taylor sez no to cigs!
the best is when the people are clearly freezing but smoking...Rpatz, let us be the ones to warm U up!
The Twilight/New Moon set is just one big cig party!!!!!
Even Dr. Cullen is smoking...bad doctor!! Bad!
Apparently the only cast members who don't smoke are Taylor Lautner and Jackson Rathbone! (Jasper)
Taylor's only 16, so he has to think of his 5 year old fans!
Even Perez sez...smoking isn't zexy
I hope these young wanna-be actors are reprimanded by the parents for this one!
The young cast of Twilight is a perfect example of the appeal of cigarettes to young, impressionable minds. K-stew and Rpatz are often photographed smoking. Teens actively Google or are exposed to paparazzi photos of their fave celebs 24/7. Billions of tween girls have seen pix of Rpatz smoking and I know that must affect their D.A.R.E. sensibilities somehow.
So, my thesis is that K-stew and Rpatz and Nikki Reed and all the rest of them lighting up are making bank for Big Tobacco, more bank than Philip Morris could have asked for.
Especially when they wear those Raybans sunglasses, or those striped blazers...they make it look so damn cool!!
Back on the stage at the King of Prussia Mall, Mr. Pattinson continued to stand awkwardly but, somehow, fantastically beautifully at the same time. A local radio D.J. fed him written questions from the audience, but his answers were buried by screaming.
“Do you guys care about the questions, or do you just want to talk about nothing?” Mr. Pattinson asked.
A young woman in a shirt emblazoned with the Cullen family crest spoke for many: “We just want to look at you.”
While I don't understand how the love between Bella and Edward can be so true and deep as made out in the book, considering they only knew each other for a few months, I can understand how Bella formed such a strong attachment to Edward: he saved her life on more than one occasion and, in a sense, has become her personal Superman. Is this right thinking? Dunno, but I guess constantly saving a girl who can barely walk without tripping does equate to being inexplicably lovable.
...Meyer's overuse of the word incredulous began grating on my senses, not to mention all the glaring, whining, cringing, grimacing, and her overwhelming need to append a "he said" or "she said" to almost every bit of dialog that transpired. (Surely, even truly young minds are able to keep up with the general flow of dialog). And let's not get started on the editing: You know the editor was asleep at the wheel, or either non-existent, when there's a glaring grammatical error within the first ten pages.
But, despite all of that, I enjoyed the book...There was a cliffhanger at the end of each bite-sized chapter pressing the reader to continue on, if for no other reason than to see whom else is glaring or grimacing at whom. (So true!)
Rather than feeling as though I were trudging through a heavy piece of fantasy fiction, I was able to let my mind relax and float into the story as if I were watching some strangely intoxicating reality show about a clumsy teenage girl and a thoroughly confused vampire...This is a novel you should pick up when you just want to shut off your brain for a little while and escape reality.
It's socially acceptable for 5,000 screaming girls to mob a Rob Pattinson mall event and beg him to "bite me" and "have my babies" and (as Tyra Banks said) "throw them draw'rs" (throw panties) at him.
Would it be socially acceptable for 5,000 fourteen year old males to go to a Megan Fox promo event (perhaps for the new Transformers movie? which I am excited about seeing, proving that I can be excited about things other than Twilight), and ask her to have sex with them? And scream stuff like, "Let's make a sex tape!" or "Ride my Camaro!" or other dumb shit like that, whatever would be on par with what Twilighters scream?
I bet a lot of women would take offense to young boyz treating Megan Fox like such a piece of meat!
Is there a double standard with gender and acceptable fan behavior?
Also, I was thinking. Zac Efron inspires crazy fangirl behavior too. And if you think about it, a lot of good-looking male singers and actors have a 99% female fanbase. I mean, the whole reason Twilight made so much bank was because female fans COME OUT like no other. So, female fans make bank. Are good-looking female celebs losing out on this bankability?!
And one of the age-old questions of feminists: Are females sabotaging themselves??
Just some thoughts.
I never have, and I never really thought I would need to. Not even for X-Men 2, X-Men 3, Matrix Reloaded, or Matrix Revolutions (that would have been a mistake anyway!).
But I think for New Moon I will have to go to the midnight showing!!!
There's just so much energy in the midnight showing, I really think I have to experience it. I've immersed myself so deep in this Twilight quagmire that I might as well.
As Edward says--Since I'm going to hell, I might as well do it thoroughly.
Not that seeing New Moon would be hell! :P
Anyway, I made this decision after seeing this clip on Youtube, which is from a screening at Comic-Con 2008 (apparently Comic-Con is Mecca for sci-fi/fantasy fan meet and greets):
So, I want to be one of those screaming girls. Just being thorough.
Do U know what Ur doing November 20, 2009?
I'm so sad!
He would have been such a beautiful vampire :)
Plus, can U imagine Rpatz AND Ben Barnes sharing the same movie? Same set? Same SCREEN??
The world would spontaneously combust from their mutual hotness!!!!!
OK, I am not the craziest fan out there. People have made videos of Ben Barnes as a vampire, and the comments on these videos are out of control.
One person wrote something like, "Omg when I heard the news [that Ben Barnes might be cast as Aro] I hugged my Prince Caspian pillow and cried!"
That was truly disturbing.
They make Prince Caspian pillows, you can Google it!
It's really out of control! It seems that hordes of tweens can really impact a big-shot director's decisions.
Or can they? Maybe the impression that the movie studio powers-that-be are listening is just a craftily-crafted impression that they want us to believe, so we will be appeased, cuz they know they MUST keep us appeased!! That would be really clever and Orwellian of them, no?
Anyway, I can't remember a time fans/tweens had this much clout. I don't think it was even this serious during Lord of the Rings, or over the still-ongoing Harry Potter! Although, I am not as immersed in the LOTR or HP canon (since those books are actually complex), so maybe this is asymmetrical information bias.
Or maybe it's a product of time/technology, and not degree of fan devotedness/delirium. Because there have never been so many blogs, forums, information leaks, paparazzi shots, Perez Hilton followers, Youtubes of stars' every waking moment, fans taking pix on location, visiting set, etc. as, well, now. The information age madness is really changing our relationship to entertainment, I think in an unhealthy way. Just reflecting on myself, and how I "feed" on new Perez posts or Youtube vids or new photos from the set of New Moon...I gotta admit it's kind of weird and retarded! Maybe even this blog is retarded and I should stop blogging!
Maybe this is going to sound offensive; oh well. So I don't really know anything about Mormonism other than shit I hear in the media, and it sounds like Mormon wives are real into being home-makers. S.Meyer herself is a professed stay-at-home mom. The heroine, Bella, is always being "good" by cooking a lot (in New Moon, she says she was above reproach because she "only rarely served leftovers"), or cleaning. When she's not being distracted by Edward, not fantasizing about being a Cullen, and not doing homework, she's a) cooking; or b) cleaning. More cooking than cleaning. A big source of her pride when she's with Jacob Black in New Moon is her cooking prowess. In fact, a lot of New Moon is nauseating to me because of this whole domesticity deal. Is this S.Meyer's Mormon tendencies rubbing off too much on her characterization of Bella? Is this just the way Bella is?
What do U think?
She's made a lot of comments that can be perceived as "snobby" and "ungrateful" (toward Twilight fans, the whole franchise/commercialness of it, how it's made her much more famous than she would have been otherwise). Just Google "kristen stewart nylon interview" (Nylon is a magazine).
Her dad has also said, of her absence presenting alongside Rpatz at the Oscars: Kristen will present "when it's a great movie." Meaning, Twilight is not good enough reason for her to present? But it's good enough for Rpatz? She's too serious an actor to really get into Twilight?
If you were a tween with half a brain you would pick up on the subtle insult!
Also, lately in the news she's been quoted a lot saying: "There's really no better position for me to be in right now in my life, and I am entirely grateful."
Well doesn't that sound defensive??
Or like something her handlers told her to say?
For my part I think K-stew is just not good at filtering and has quotes taken out of context. But there are plenty of other actors (um, like Rpatz?!?!?) that don't come off as bitchy and are still considered "serious" actors.
Clips from "Into the Wild," that random Sean Penn movie based on that Jon Krakauer book:
(FYI if you're curious, the 1st song is apparently co-written by K-stew for the movie, and the 2nd song is a cover of a song Bonnie Raitt has covered, originally written by John Prine, called Angel from Montgomery. K-stew can play some guitar apparently.)
I think she's OK but most people can probably sound OK after a few voice lessons. Besides, it's her job to be talented!
And what's up with her hair at 0:27???
Also, as a friend of mine says, most really talented people are REALLY talented. Like Meryl Streep? Damn gurl. She can act the hell out of anybody else and she is actually a good singer, as we heard in Mamma Mia. Ben Barnes can act AND sing too. So can Nicole Kidman and Ewan McGregor! Thus proving, really talented people are REALLY talented.
*But this begs the question--is K-stew REALLY talented?
-doesn't have ambitions, dreams, or aspirations to speak of (other than being with Edward 4-eva, duh)
-doesn't want to go to college, except as a way to stay human so that she can keep having sex with Edward in human form
-is constantly cooking food for her dad
-doesn't have a spine, except in situations where she's making a decision to stay close to Edward
-utterly relies on a man for her happiness
-always gets Jacob to do her mechanical shit, and doesn't ever pick up a tool
-she's so fucking insecure! even more than I was at my ugliest when I was a teenager!
But maybe if we hung out 24/7 with someone as hot as Rpatz, we'd be this retarded too!
Friday, March 13, 2009
If Alice can see the future, then couldn't she see that Bella was going to try to run away to get herself killed by James?
If Alice can see the future, then couldn't she see how much the break-up would utterly destroy Bella (which I now get a perverse pleasure from thinking about, haha!) and that it would make Bella do unhealthy things, and wouldn't she tell Edward about it?
If Alice can see the future, then couldn't she see that if she told Rosalie her vision of Bella cliff-jumping, that Rosalie would then tell Edward?
If Alice can see the future, then couldn't she see that Edward and Bella's honeymooon sex jaunt would create some problems?
I can't think of any more glaring examples right now; I guess Alice and the future thing are adequately handled in the Volturi shiz in New Moon and the Volturi shiz in Breaking Dawn. I'm sure there are other examples though.
(Team Edward all the way!!!)
Because...Twilight is about Bella falling in love with Edward, so "I Caught Myself," which--if you have half a brain, you can figure out is about someone NOT being in love with someone else--is not appropriate at all!!!
I really like this song too, so they should have saved it for later...stupid Summit Entertainment!
*haha I just noticed that I happened to pick a vid with random Portuguese subtitles in the beginning...if you know Portuguese/Spanish, this is funny!
Case in point: Rosalie is not earth-shattering-ly gorgeous. On the other hand, Dr. Cullen and Edward look great!
Anyway, that's just my opinion.
As a whole, the cast is extremely good-looking though.