Tuesday, April 28, 2009

How to Be = another reason to love Rpatz!


OK before I disappear into a black hole of massive studying, I have to put up this update: I went to the Boston premiere of How to Be!!!!!!!!

Basically: it is one fell swoop of vindication for Rob Pattinson. He is actually really hilarious and acted very, very well!!!

The plot is a little contrived at times and the crazy old therapist guy is a little heavy-handed or hams it up too much sometimes, but overall the script is quite clever and there were some pretty funny scenes where I laughed out loud. Or at least laughed on the inside.

The only real buzzkill for me was the woman who played his mother in this movie. She is either a really terrible actress or totally overacted and downgraded the scenes she was in. The only good scene she was in was the one where she was off-camera in voice-over and talking to Rob's character on the phone.

Also somewhat annoying was the fact that the movie theater was filled with so many teenage girls, man the average age of the audience at this thing was 20 years old at MOST. That's AVERAGE! Not median! LOL. And those females tended to laugh too much at just about everything that was intended to be remotely funny. Otherwise, the movie-going experience was pretty good. The director and some of the cast/music directors came to do a Q&A, which my friend and I unfortunately couldn't really stay for, but it was cool that that happened. (I think I took a pic on my camera phone?)

Obviously this would have been a totally unremarkable indie movie if Rpatz hadn't landed Twilight...but it's a good thing Rpatz can act 4 real!

Seriously, he was a much better actor in this movie than in Twilight.

Sunday, April 26, 2009

disappearing for a lil

Hey guys,
Not that you're holding your breath for my next post or anything...but I have to peace out from the blogging for a little bit because I'm taking the LSAT in a month and have to really hunker down. Don't worry, I constantly think about blog posts and maybe will sneak one in here and there. ESPECIALLY my definitive review of Twilight now that I've subjected the DVD onto several hapless friends! But I really have to unplug myself from the internet and try to focus. I def. have still had a lot on my mind though, so when I come back there will be like 15 posts in the span of a few hours! :P

Sunday, April 12, 2009

OK I was wrong

OK, I admit I was too hasty and shallow dismissing Michael Sheen at first. I checked out his Wikipedia bio--looks like he is a LEGIT actor.

I'm happy now cuz this means New Moon will definitely be much better than Twilight.
In fact, looks like having Sheen on-board is actually a huge upgrade for the franchise. The movie might be better than the book!!

I'm actually super-excited!

If he's good enough for Kate Beckinsale, he's good enough for us!
(Also, you know we're in a global recession and that being part of the Twilight franchise = ca$h money. Just sayin'.)

no no no!

I just read on Perez that Michael Sheen was cast as Aro in New Moon!!!!

http://perezhilton.com/2009-04-12-new-moon-casting-news

NOOOOOO I WANT BEN BARNES!!!

Some cursory Google Image results of Michael Sheen:


Michael's got nothin' on THIS!
*sigh* What a hottie.

The comments on Perez do say that Sheen is a good actor, though, which is promising...and I guess it is true that Aro is not primarily a "hottie" but is more like a menacing wise guy. And it is true that not everyone in a Twilight movie should necessarily be hot...*necessarily*. But when I pay $10 to see a movie in theatres I sure want everyone to be easy to look at!

Well...it is just a personal fantasy of mine to see R-Patz AND Ben Barnes in the same movie, and they better do it within this lifetime!! Since Chris Weitz will not surrender, I guess I can let this go though..."for now." (reference??)

UPDATE
LOLz! This is the funniest comment ever on the Perez article about Sheen's casting:
Username: Butt Sex
"This motherfucker was so FUCKING SEXY as a dirty werewolf in the Underworld movies! I wanted to throw him in a dirty cage and fucking RAVAGE that man!!!!"

Other promising user comments:
"By the way for the few of you bashing him already and calling him ugly and disgusting it is obvious you have NO CLUE what the hell you are talking about. You have no idea how lucky Chris was to pull that casting off…this man's last movie was nominated for best movie at the oscars [Frost/Nixon] and you might want to go rent Underworld 2 and 3…..that man is badass in them as a werewolf."
"This i agree with he was amazing in Underworld and he can act his ass of! is it me or is the cast of the Voltari totally owning the cast of Twilght dont get me wrong I love all the Cullens minus one im looking at u Nikki Reed! Rosalie my ass sorry had to get it off my chest haha"

Saturday, April 11, 2009

teenage wasteland

I know it's just a story, but this is really getting to me.

If the Cullen kids are all so goddamn talented and smart and educated (not to mention rich), why don't they join the Peace Corps or Doctors/Engineers without Borders, or something constructive instead of REPEATING HIGH SCHOOL FOR ETERNITY.

You don't even learn that much in high school, you could learn so much more in college.

And DO NOT give me their youthful appearance as an excuse, because Rosalie and Emmett can definitely pass for adults, and there are plenty of ways for teenagers to look older through makeup and wardrobe tweaks.

Same goes for their whole "the longer we can stay in one place" shiz. It's quite common to take much longer than four years to finish college. People might think you are stupid or have mental health issues, but the Cullens are social outcasts anyway.

I mean, Oprah has the time to open random schools for underprivileged youth around the world and she's no vampire, she needs to sleep like the rest of us!

tongue?

Two things.

One.

This scene doesn't make sense, and is completely retarded and awkward. Vampire saliva is venom!!! That's why Edward and Bella can't ever use tongue when they kiss! Catherine Hardwicke, can't you read??? Did you actually read Twilight??

Two.
So, we've established Edward and Bella DO NOT USE TONGUE because they cannot swap spit. In light of this fact, I don't think their intensity of physical attraction/chemistry is justified; it's not realistic for two people to get super horny or super into each other if they aren't allowed to use tongue when they kiss. It doesn't qualify as a legit make-out sesh if there's no tongue. It's just too half-assed.

Thoughts?

Friday, April 10, 2009

this is stupid

I'm like...sorry there's no "g" in "Twilight" in Spanish, but you don't have to make something so fugs!

Tuesday, April 7, 2009

food network

*spoiler warning*

In Breaking Dawn, the Cullens (or Edward; it's slightly ambiguous) cook food for the wolves. On their honeymoon, Edward makes apparently delicious omelettes for Bella. In a bonus chapter on S.Meyer's website, Edward cooks dinner for Bella before the prom and apparently it's fabulous; Charlie even tells Bella to have Edward cook more often for them. (Charlie, not prizing Bella's cooking above all else?! Sacrilege!)

I think it would have been more interesting for the plot if cooking were the one thing Edward could not do well. I mean, he can't really taste food at all, he didn't even know it was pizza sliding down his throat when he ate school lunch to make a point to Bella.

Fact: ALL REAL COOKS taste the food they make, and rely on their palate as a judge during the cooking process.
Fact: Vampires as old as Edward/the Cullens have forgotten what is appetizing and what food tastes like. How would they know what they're serving even tastes good?
Fact: Cooks are good cooks when they can improvise and substitute to improve upon a dish, and are good judges of what to do and what not to do in the kitchen.

Sure, the Cullens can watch Food Network. But they won't be able to make superlative dishes from just emulating the person on TV. They wouldn't be able to distinguish flavors and make the substitutions or innovations or improvisations that distinguish a good cook from a mediocre/amateur cook.

You could assail this logic by waving your hand and saying, "But vampires have perfect detailed memories so they will remember every fact ever about cooking and every trick cooks employ."

Still, I think there would have been funny dialogue possibilities if Edward tried to cook and it turned out to be kind of off; then Bella could step in and assert some superiority for fucking once!

beautiful dirty rich

"Beautiful, dirty dirty rich rich dirty dirty" -Lady GaGa
*spoiler warning*
In some ways I think Stephenie Meyer has been irresponsible in creating this teenager-and-vampire world. I have alluded to some of these aspects in previous posts; such as the focus/obsession with outward appearance and idolization of beauty, and the Cullens living a fabulous, richly bankrolled lifestyle where they never want for anything material. Of course, the saga's "conscience" (if you can call it that) through the voice of Bella has tried to "deal with" or sublimate from these apparent problems through a conversation in New Moon:

“Is that what it comes down to?” His voice was abruptly sharper. “Good looks?”
“Don’t be stupid, Jacob.”
“Is it the money, then?” he persisted.
“That’s nice,” I muttered, getting up from the tree. “I’m flattered that you think so much of me.” I turned my back on him and paced away.
“Aw, don’t get mad.” He was right behind me; he caught my wrist and spun me around. “I’m serious! I’m trying to understand here, and I’m coming up blank.”
His eyebrows pushed together angrily, and his eyes were black in their deep shadow.
“I love him. Not because he’s beautiful or because he’s rich!” I spat the word at Jacob. “I’d much rather he weren’t either one. It would even out the gap between us just a little bit — because he’d still be the most loving and unselfish and brilliant and decent person I’ve ever met. Of course I love him. How hard is that to understand?”
I think this is a very superficial way of reconciling the concerns. Here is why. To quote Shakespeare, two loves I have of comfort and despair.

Comfort: It's true that all the important characters are beautiful and rich and have perfect bodies; and most of the villains are at least very good-looking or rich or talented. So it would seem that those aspects are most prized. But in fact, Bella is most attracted to Edward because of his essential character, and to the other Cullens because of their kindness and virtuous nature, not their money. She is just impressed by their money and talents, and she gets over it eventually when she becomes part of their family. Plus, she feels embarrassed about Edward's extravagant gifts! So you see, the moral of the story is that virtuosity is primary, and the fast cars, plasma TV's, huge diamonds, etc. are just icing on the cake.

Despair: To hell with Bella being most attracted to Edward because of his "character"; the bulk of her narration is taken up by trite descriptions of his beauty!
One of her first thoughts after being turned is how beautiful she is now and how she looks like she can stand next to Edward without looking like she doesn't belong.
She constantly has low self-esteem from feeling inferior standing next to the Cullens, showing that her primary concern is outward appearance.
At the beginning of New Moon, when she puts the pictures of her and Edward into the scrapbook, she beats herself up mentally for how plain she looks; S.Meyer really beat this horse to death, augh!
Her first thought when she sees Edward in Voltera for the first time is "OMG he is so much more beautiful in real life than I remembered, I'm so fugs!!!"; not "OMG I have to run fast and be a strong heroine to save him and not let him go into the sunlight and be all sparkly!"
In Eclipse, when Edward shows her the motorcycle that he got, Bella's first thought is, "Oh no his motorcycle is much better-looking than mine, and this is like an analogy for what we must look like"; not "Oh, I'm annoyed that he had to go and buy something that I shared with my non-vampire friend, which was distinctly mine."
Of course Edward is perfect and realizes this on his own... but still. On top of this: yes, you can say that her realization/verbalization that he's "even more amazing behind the face" shows that the saga is above superficiality; YET, at the same time, part of what makes him a perfect boyfriend is his ability to give her all the material trappings a girl would ever want; part of what makes Alice the perfect gal pal is her highly developed fashion sense and unfallible purchasing of all kinds of stuff for Bella. Much of Edward and Alice's charm comes from their gorgeous faces and bodies, and their graceful physical movement. Part of their characterization depends on their financial largess, and both of them DO act elitist about their possessions and say elitist things. Cars aren't good enough for them to drive unless they are luxury European imports that most people have never even seen; clothes aren't good enough for them to wear unless they are expensive brand names/rare/custom-made. These aspects don't come out so much in the movie, because K-Stew plays Bella as a much feistier character than Bella is in the books. But if you are not initiated (and if you are reading this, you must be initiated); the fact is, Bella is constantly struck dumb by how graceful/rich/beautiful the Cullens are and rhapsodizing about it.
I mean, I enjoyed it as an escapist jaunt for my imagination, but it gets kind of tiring that EVERYTHING is beautiful and EVERYTHING is designer or expensive or made to order. The fact that the setting and protagonists are characterized this way, without much diversity, shows that Meyer's character-building is not very mature or multi-dimensional. One of my friends said that "it's almost like she's too good at fantasy."
My take is: Yes, responsible readers should realize it's just fantasy, and we're not all going to be 5'6" and 115 lbs with vibrant hair and gorgeous boyfriends with in-laws we LOOOOOVE. But would responsible or existentially/metaphysically aware authors realize there's more possibility to a story than letting all the protagonists have everything? Want or indigence is not as pleasant, perhaps; and having unlimited funds makes for fun possibilities, but want builds character and interest.

disordered eating

Has anyone else noticed that Bella doesn't eat often, and in fact is setting a bad example to impressionable young girls?

I think this is irresponsible on the part of Stephenie Meyer. Whether purposeful or not, now that Twilight is a cultural behemoth, Bella being a thin (115 lb) heroine who doesn't often eat and when she does, only takes a few bites, is not a healthy example for females at the nadir of their self-esteem and self-image.

book:
a) Bella sometimes only has a soft drink for lunch. WTF?
b) Bella is 115 pounds. Sorry, not realistic for many teenage girls/young women.
c) When she does eat, Bella often only takes a few bites; or is too excited to eat; or says she is not hungry.
movie:
d) In the first lunch scene, Bella only eats a celery stalk; ironically, while mocking eating disorders (by saying, flippantly and glibly, "you could always do...eating disorders" when suggesting newspaper feature topics to Angela)
e) Have you noticed how thin Christian Serratos (actress portraying Angela) is?? Not that Bella/K-stew/Christian have eating disorders, but the combined effect of these aspects is very unhealthy for the self-esteem of girls and sets a very low weight standard.

Also Bella never exercises, so she must also have very low muscle mass. Unhealthy!!

aunt flo

I first came across the question of Bella's menstruation (or "ministration" as Pecola says in Toni Morrison's The Bluest Eye, which for some reason has always stuck with me...) on the blog Letters to Twilight. [link]

They say:
What we don’t get is what happens when Bella gets her period? Does Edward just go away for 3-7 days? If so, where does he go? Or isn’t that blood appealing to him because it comes out of Bella’s “hoo-hoo” and that’s so sicknast? (holla Lauren’s Bite for that word) Or is it that much MORE appealing to him because it comes out of Bella’s “hoo hoo” and he wants to “tap that?”

Wow, I thought to myself when I read that post. I should have thought of that earlier! Then a friend sent me this link, which apparently has Stephenie Meyer's explanation/rebuttal:

"What happens when Bella gets her period?

This has been addressed by Stephenie Meyer. She states that this is "dead blood" and isn't as potent to Edward, though it is a bit uncomfortable for him. He's too much of a gentleman to say anything about it, and she's too embarrassed to ask about it."

Why this response is problematic, and kind of a cop-out:

a) The notion of "dead blood" is kind of tenuous...and laughable (because it's funny, and because it's tenuous). OK, I can see how would-be amniotic CLUMPS are not very appetizing...and in fact, pretty damn stank. But sometimes period blood is very bright red and thin (at least, sometimes mine is) which means it can't have been dead for very long, right? Also, it seems from this saga's vampire canon that vampires care about whether blood is fresh, or warm; warm being a proxy for fresh or flowing from a still-alive body. Thus, it's plausible that in some circumstances period blood would be problematic for Edward to be around.

b) wouldn't Bella have thought of the potential problems as she's expecting her period, and tell warn Edward about it? I mean, she was bold enough to ask Edward if he was a virgin, and they talk about sex plenty.

c) I do believe Edward is too much of a gentleman to talk about menstruation with Bella. But Bella is not so tactful that she wouldn't bring it up with Edward. Easily embarrassed, sure, but I think period talk is common in really serious relationships. It definitely came up in my teenage relationship.

More food for thought, which may be TMI: would the overwhelmingly attractive scent of Bella's blood overcome the patently bad-smelling nature of menstrual blood and its effect on the smell of the nether regions ("femininity" in softcore romance terms)?

OK enough grossness.

the adventures of pocket edward



big world, little pocket

where can i get one, too?

Friday, April 3, 2009

hands down

Today I had my iPod on shuffle while I was doing some chores, and this song came on.I think it encapsulates the best of Edward and Bella. :)

OK that's it for my cheesy tween tendencies today. :D

UPDATE 4/6/09:
OK I just feel like I have to explain more why this song is perfect for the "best of Twilight saga" regarding Edward & Bella's looooooove for each other. So I will mark up the lyrics for your elucidation.

Breathe in for luck, breathe in so deep, (Edward is always talking about how it burns to breathe near Bella in Midnight Sun!)
this air is blessed you share with me.
This night is wild, so calm and dull,
these hearts they race, from self control. (Self-control = overarching theme of Twilight saga!)
Your legs are smooth as they graze mine,
we're doing fine, we're doing nothing at all. (They often don't do anything but stare at each other when they're together!)

My hopes are so high that your kiss might kill me. (Can you say vampire kiss of death?!)
So won't you kill me, so I die happy. (They are so in love with each other they would die for each other...awww)
My heart is yours to fill or burst,
to break or bury,
or wear as jewelery,
whichever you prefer. (Very Twilight-y sentiment)

The words are hushed, let's not get busted;
just lay entwined here, undiscovered.
Safe in here from all the stupid questions,
"Hey did you get some?"
Man, that is so dumb. (Reminiscent of Jessica's questions in math class the day after Port Angeles shopping trip!)
Stay quiet, stay near, stay close they can't hear...
so we can get some. (Very Twilight-y in a tongue-in-cheek way)

Chorus

Hands down this is the best day I can ever remember,
I'll always remember the sound of the stereo,
the dim of the soft lights,
the scent of your hair that you twirled in your fingers (SO EDWARD!!!!)
and the time on the clock when we realized it's so late
and this walk that we shared together.
The streets were wet
and the gate was locked so I jumped it, (SO EDWARD!!!!)
and I let you in.
And you stood at your door with your hands on my waist
and you kissed me like you meant it.
And I knew that you meant it,
that you meant it,
that you meant it,
and I knew,
that you meant it,
that you meant it.
AWWW SO CUTE! I know this song is old/kinda played out but it really fits perfectly with Twilight ;)

another blogger agrees with us!

I came across this other blog, that also disputed N-Reed's casting as Rosalie Hale. Yay!
This blogger also suggests some other interesting choices for the Twilight characters.

Except, I don't agree with her choice for Edward because in my secret little "tween" heart I really, truly do think R-Patz is the perfect Edward. :)

Check it out!
http://www.nurturingnarcissism.com/2008/12/because-i-just-cant-let-it-go.html

Wednesday, April 1, 2009

too cool for school?

From a recent interview with K-Stew about Adventureland in Parade magazine:
Q: Are you as awkward as your character when it comes to love?
A: I don't think I'm ever going to not fumble around. I think that's just life. That's how you live life is you fumble around.

Good job not coming off as a complete bitch, but could you try to use correct grammar next time??

Maybe if you had fit in some high school English classes between filming, you would speak like an educated member of society!

Don't rich actors hire private tutors and shit?

taylor = class act

Aww, Taylor Lautner!Check out how young his fans are at 2:50 and 2:53!!
Oh boy...

So, clearly Taylor is great. Equally clear is the fact that Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson should never be part of awards show skits, as demonstrated here and that weird shit he did at this year's Grammys.

Funny that the ORIGINAL hunky hairy wolfman HUGH JACKMAN presented to werewolf boy Taylor! I wonder if any of the screaming 7-year-olds caught that?

Probably not.